An Able Heart

The sky is falling! The sky is falling!

2010-01-06T22:16:00.000-06:00

Global warming! Oh - wait - no - it's "Climate change." That explains why Houston is having its coldest winter in over a decade and may see several days of temperatures at or near freezing. Do I wrap outside hose bibs? Drip faucets? Run up in the attic and insulate every exposed pipe up there? Not sure yet.

I'm waiting to see what others are doing, but the only thing I'm even considering is wrapping the hose bibs. My house, however, has builder-grade insulation, which means the home's heat LEAKS through the walls like crazy. So . . . I'm fairly sure the hose bibs will be all right.

Muffin has strep throat. I have a sinus infection. And (I haven't blogged about this yet) my mom passed away on Christmas.

Interestingly, I'm not overwhelmed by it. Just learning to roll with the punches. More rolling with the weather. I'll let you know about how we come through!

Desiderata

2010-01-05T07:40:00.000-06:00

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

-- Max Ehrmann, 1927

We now return you to your previously scheduled blog, already in progress

2010-01-02T10:09:00.000-06:00

2010 begins. 2009 was a memorable year. So many ups and down, including the Christmas Day passing of my mother.

I have come to the conclusion that all the ups and downs of the past few years were for a reason. I would not change or do without even the worst of them, because they have made me far stronger and more confident than I could have envisioned otherwise. So many new doors have opened to me, and I'm excited about what lies ahead!

Goals/resolutions for 2010? My usual: NONE! However, that doesn't mean I don't have a vision of what 2010 will hold. I will finish my master's work in March and graduate in May. I will continue going to karate, and earn my purple and red belts this year. I will open my heart even further, and invite in new friends, new experiences, and new learnings. I will love openly, give freely, and rejoice daily. And 2010 will be my best year yet!

Course final reflections

2009-12-18T20:57:00.001-06:00

The description for this course is as follows:

"This course emphasizes techniques for improving instruction and learning through the application of the research on effective schools and on models of instruction. Topics include leadership related to curriculum, instruction, supervision, and theories and methods for adult learning and professional development. The principal as the leader of learning involves such tasks as teacher evaluation, supervision, mentoring, and effective communication."

This description does not appear to be significantly related to the course offered. As such, I had no idea that this course dealt with instructional technology. The course description makes no mention of the sole focus on technology of this course. In fact, the course description sounds as if it is describing a different course entirely. The description
does sound like a course in which I would be interested. However, once the course began it became obvious that my knowledge of technology and its use in education was more limited than I had thought. I discovered that I had a fair amount to learn about intellectual property, and about uses of technology to increase students' learning.

Once the course began, I began to see that I especially could learn a lot about creative uses of technology to increase student learning. While the course materials mentioned several means of doing so, especially areas such as project-based learning, I still am starving for more concrete examples of ways this is used, especially in math classes. Generalities do point in a direction, but until you give someone an example, it is difficult to envision their use. I still do not understand how to develop a project which will help students learn advanced mathematical concepts when they do not even know what mathematical concepts they may need in order to work on the project. Telling a student, for example, to develop a plan involving advanced use of force and motion without having first taught him vectors, would seem to work only to frustrate the student. On the other hand, how then is it different to teach a student the concepts of vectors and give him a web site or PowerPoint to develop on the project, versus having him create an actual model? Why is the former better than the latter?

The material in this course will, however, help me in my current job in that it has opened my eyes and made me more aware of concepts such as project-based learning, and about the wealth of intellectual property. I am much more sensitive now as I create work for my current job, whether it is a presentation about the course selection process, a lesson for my students, or the curriculum for a course. Additionally, I also am much more sensitive to the use of copyrighted material in class. Today was the last class day before winter break, and several teachers showed movies. In the past, they would not have even made a blip on my radar, but today it gave me great pause.

The assignments in the course did help me learn the material. However, I already had a blog, which I simply adapted for the course. I also use Facebook, Twitter, have a web page for the course, and text and e-mail so much that I had to go to unlimited text messages on my own cell phone. While my age puts me in the generation of "digital immigrants," I am fairly fluent. I even have been known to translate something for a "native," today even explaining to a student what a pdf file is.

I do think that blogs and blogging can indeed be helpful for education. However, the most recent set of readings also pointed out the pitfalls inherent in blogs. To begin with, there are inherent concerns about the suitability of anything students might post in such a forum. How to keep the focused, for example, on the course material? How to keep them from plagiarizing or cheating in the forum? Additionally, there are even more significant concerns, which had not occurred to me before, related to students' privacy. Is inviting students to participate in a teacher-created blog which is not sponsored by the school district a dangerous step to take? It would appear to be so, particularly without the wealth of recommended permissions, including those of the students' parents and the school's administration.

However, a blog would seem to be an extremely effective way to simply communicate information to parents. I am still uncertain about the advantages of a blog versus a traditional teacher webpage with a calendar or log of notes and assignments. The blog might have more room for a more narrative style of information, but this may not outweigh the ease of posting on a district's own web site. In my district, for example, teachers have web sites on which they can post course information, including homework, and can put a link for parents or students to e-mail them with questions. Certainly part of that web page could become something moderately close to a formal blog, while still remaining under the safe umbrella of the school district's purview. On the other hand, for a teacher at my school to create her own blog would require her using a service such as Blogger, which would take her outside the control and protection of the school district, and I am not certain that I would recommend her doing so at this time.

Blogs certainly would be extremely helpful for communicating course information both to students and to parents. Additionally, a school's administrator could use it as a less formal, more comfortable way of communicating with parents and the community at large, touting students' successes and upcoming events such as ball games and musicals. The administrator also could commend outstanding teachers, and even discuss in a conversational tone the impact of recent school news, such as a recent snow day at school.

I have enjoyed and learned a lot from this course. The course professors are the first with whom I have had direct communication throughout this entire program, although my January course will be my penultimate one. I appreciate the time and effort they have put into this, and the learning I have had from them.

Technology Action Plan

2009-12-14T21:12:00.002-06:00

Introduction:

Technology in Pearland ISD is ubiquitous, and growing. The district recently "tweeted" one high school's actions in a state football semi-finals football game. Podcasts tell the community of news in the district. An online survey last week gathered input regarding a proposed magnet school in the district. An online program allows teachers to update grades and lesson plans 24/7, and allows parents to access their students' grades in real time. However, as good as all that sounds, the district's implementation of technology to aid student learning is still somewhat weak. This action plan will help to address that weakness and raise students' learning and success to an even higher level. In developing this plan, I interviewed instructional technology specialists, administrators, teachers, and students. I studied the district's improvement plan, and its technology improvement plan. I also analyzed our STaR chart data for the last several years, and observed teacher uses of technology day-to-day in their classes.

Organization chart: (see below)

In the Pearland Independent School District, policy for all district programs is set by the Board of Trustees, and implemented by the Superintendent, including technology programs and expenditures. The Director of Technology Services reports to the Assistant Superintendent of Secondary Education. This does not imply that technology services affect only secondary education, but rather reflects an emphasis by the district to share the responsibility load among the various assistant superintendents. The Director of Technology Services oversees both the hardware and software sides of the district's efforts, supervising the district's Instructional Technology Coordinator, who is responsible for student learning through technology, and the telecommunications, network, and technology specialists who ensure the systems are up and running. This person also oversees the district's Student Information Manager, who is responsible for the implementation of the PEIMS system, as well as the grade book and data management program Skyward. On the other side of the chart is the district's Assistant Superintendent of Curriculum and Instruction. This individual supervises the district's curriculum specialists, who work closely with the instructional technologists to identify and implement programs and products that will enhance students' learning.

The secondary campus principals also report to the Assistant Superintendent of Secondary Education. On their campuses, they closely coordinate and work with the Site-Based Decision Making (SBDM) teams to establish and review the campus' educational plans, goals, performance objectives, and major classroom instructional programs. Among other things, the SBDM and principal work together to discuss the effectiveness of current technology, and identify new needs or adjustments to current offerings. On each campus there is a Campus Instructional Technology Specialist (CITS) who works not only to implement technology on that campus, but also to train the teachers in using the available technology. On most campuses, this person works closely with teachers and offers just-in-time training on the use of technology. For example, a teacher might want to implement a lesson about a particular new math concept, or review students before a test, and the CIT will help to set up an interactive clicker activity which will help accomplish that goal, helping the teacher learn how to use it just before the students need it.

Most importantly, however, are the relationships this organization chart does not show. On this chart, departments and divisions appear clearly delineated and compartmentalized. However, this is far from the truth. The CITS work with campus teachers, obviously, but also with the campus SBDM to help to determine needs and to review available resources. The teachers work closely with curriculum and instruction specialists to develop new ways to teach needed concepts. The CITS and Instructional Technology Specialists coordinate closely with the Curriculum specialists and with teachers to determine what technology will help meet their needs. A series of overlapping circles would better depict many of these relationships, than this straightforward progression of rectangles.

Professional Development:

Pearland ISD has a strong emphasis on technology, which can only be accomplished when all of its teachers, curriculum specialists, and even classroom paraprofessionals are best able to diagnose students' educational needs and meet them the best ways possible. Today, meeting those needs can be well accomplished through new technological advances.

First, however, students' needs must be accurately assessed. That happens through the district's myriad data gathering avenues. TAKS test scores are certainly one source of data, but the district also administers TAKS release tests annually, administers End-of Course field tests, TAKS field tests, and students' course grades. Additionally, the district has access to mobility information, socioeconomic status, discipline information, course grade and test performance history, at-risk status, and other demographic information. In order for educators to be able to use this data to help students, they first must be able to delve into its depths for meaningful information. The district has two sources from which such information can be mined. The first is the Skyward program, which tracks PEIMS data and student grades. The Eduphoria suite of programs are a second tool, through which the Aware component allows sorting and management of all quantifiable test data to which it has access. Not only are student's TAKS and release TAKS scores tracked in this system, but these data can be fully disaggregated. Students' full profile of strengths and weaknesses can be easily accessed. Teacher training for this area will consist of an initial, brief, in-person session which will help teachers simply see the types of data and its uses they can access via this system. Additional online tutorials will be made available so that when teachers need or want to access particular types of data, they simply need to access the online training for step-by-step instructions about how to access it, parse it, disaggregate it, and use it.

Secondly, teachers have access to a wealth of technologies which they either are completely unfamiliar with using, or have only a passing awareness of its existence. These technologies are myriad, and include interactive white boards, slates, graphing calculators, clickers, and other tools. Additionally, teachers have access to a wealth of programs that also will help with student learning, from word processing, spreadsheet, and presentation programs, to programs specifically designed to help students with particular subjects such as math. To help here, we will host a technology round-robin training day. Teachers will be allowed to select eight 30-minute sessions during the day, based on their wants and needs, and then rotate into and out of those sessions during that day. After the training day, all of the presentations and training materials will be stored on the district's web server, so that teachers can access them 24/7 either onsite or offsite.

Finally, and most importantly, teachers need the ability to brainstorm ways to leverage these technologies into totally new learning experiences for students. Simply using a new technology to teach an old lesson is no longer enough. Instead, the school's schedule will be adjusted so that every other Thursday morning, classes start an hour late. Students will arrive to school at their normal time, and be supervised in the library and cafeteria by paraprofessionals and administrators. Teachers will convene in subject-area and grad-level teams during alternating sessions. During these times, they will brainstorm and discuss upcoming lessons and topics of study, and seek ways to capitalize on overlaps and needs. Additionally, study teams will research best practices in project-based learning, and share these ideas during these meetings.

In short, this new learning will enable teachers to pinpoint needs, identify the technologies that are available to meet those needs, then have the time and information needed in order to effectively meet those needs and challenge students to new ways of learning.

Evaluation:

Evaluation is a means by which a program's effectiveness can be determined. If this program is successful, we will begin to see teachers accessing the online training more, and more frequently. Hit counters will make it easy to see whether this occurs. Additionally, teachers will begin to mention and use technology more often in their lesson plans. The online lesson planning software has check-boxes on which teachers can indicate what technology they are using, and monitoring this is a simple matter of pulling a report. Additionally, teachers will be using technology in a more innovative fashion, helping students turn from mere consumers of information to creators of knowledge. Monitoring and evaluating this area will occur during administrators' classroom walkthroughs and observations. Additionally, teachers' use of their web pages will increase significantly, as will the value of the information posted on web pages. Rather than a simple teacher biography, the web pages will begin to show items such as homework assignments and links to useful online resources. Teachers also will begin to create class blogs and/or wikis, for students to use in online learning. They also will share lesson plans and ideas via the Eduphoria program. Further and deeper use, disaggregation, and mining will occur much more often, and teachers will use the data to better understand and meet student needs.

From the Curriculum side, curriculum specialists and instructional technologists will team more closely to research, pinpoint, and share innovate means of using technology to help students learn. Most importantly, the curriculum specialists can research innovative lessons and projects that will more effectively help students use technology to reach higher levels of learning.

The technology department also will continue to research innovative learning technologies, focusing on the newest hardware and software available. They will work with the curriculum specialists to again identify helpful uses for the technologies, focusing on student learning rather than on innovation solely for the sake of innovation.

The district also will use technology more, and more creatively, to communicate with parents and other stakeholders. Training for parents and students about the new Skyward grade program will occur each semester. School and district web sites will be enhanced to include a question/comment section, on which parents and other stakeholders can pose questions that will be answered by district personnel. The district will improve its use of the Twitter technology, "tweeting" about district happenings and enlisting parents and other stakeholders to sign up for its Twitter feed. The district also will enhance its own use of administrative technology, including continuing to create and distribute podcasts, provide online audio recordings of board meetings, and utilize the TASB Policy Online portal. Additionally, teachers and administrators will make greater use of other online tools, including scheduling meetings via Microsoft Outlook.

When teachers and administrators attend professional development sessions, exit surveys will occur to measure their perception of the value of the training. Additionally, follow-up surveys annually will ask what trainings they perceived as most valuable, what they are and are not using that they saw in those trainings, and what they would like to learn in the coming year. The district's annual climate survey also will include questions about the perceptions of the effectiveness of technology use and levels of technology comfort throughout the district.

Technology Organization Chart

2009-12-13T21:26:00.002-06:00

Org Chart Web

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STaRs At Dawson High School

2009-11-29T09:19:00.002-06:00

Week 2 Assignment

Status of the Texas STaR Chart survey and implementation at Pearland ISD's Dawson High School

STaRs At Dawson High School

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Long-range technology planning for Texas schools - do we have the nuts and bolts to make it happen?

2009-11-25T08:30:00.008-06:00

Week 2 Assignment

The Texas Long Range Plan for Technology, 2006-2020, has some fairly ambitious goals for technology in Texas schools over the next ten years. One of the easiest-to-define areas in the plan is that of infrastructure. The plan outline envisions that every school in Texas have state-of-the-art infrastructure by 2020, and that the schools and districts maintain that state-of-the-art status constantly. The plan specifies a "high-performance infrastructure to take advantage of new technologies" (p. 35), and talks of ubiquitous high-speed connectivity, safety, security, flexibility, scalability, and reliability. Campuses and districts will integrate voice, video, and data, and be able to host large volumes of digital content, and powerful applications. Teachers and students will have easy access to tools, anywhere, any time, and will work collaboratively with a strong sense of community. Teachers, parents, and administrators also will have anywhere, anytime access to data and information about student success and school operations, and technical support will be readily available. The vision even calls infrastructure "the critical element" in the implementation of this long-range plan (p. 35).

Statewide, only 6.7 percent of districts in 2007-2008 identified themselves as having achieved this idealistic state, up from 5.2 percent who made the same identification the previous year. Some 57.2 percent, however, said they were at the Advanced Tech state in the most recent data, up from 53.3 percent in the previous year. At my own campus, our infrastructure is progressing, receiving successively higher marks in each of the three most recent years, but we remain in the Advanced Tech stage. In order to make the leap to the final stage, massive capital investments would be required, the district's philosophy regarding firewalls and necessary bandwidth would have to be reworked, and large numbers of additional technical and instructional support experts would have to be hired – all during a time when school funding in Texas, and especially in my own district, is being squeezed more tightly than ever.

There is some hope, that economies and efficiencies may be achievable, however, to help with these challenges. Verizon Business cites its top technology infrastructure trends for 2010, many of which will benefit schools:

Enterprise Social Networking. As Texas moves toward a vision of a more collaborative and collegial culture among its students and its teachers, this trend will help move us in that direction.
Cloud Computing. A movement toward webs of networked computers, paired with offsite resources to take over some computing tasks, may help with the need for increased computing power and bandwidth in a way that does not significantly increase costs to districts.
360 security – As network and cloud security becomes more advanced, secure, and dynamic, this improved ability will help schools and districts increase and maintain the safety and security of their own data and systems.
A move from telework to telepresence, and seeing is believing - While teachers have never been able to telecommute, a move toward telepresence and the advent of more effective software and systems for videoconferencing in business will translate easily to more, and more effective, distance education for schools.
Increased wireless applications – as more wireless opportunities are developed, this will help schools serve students in more dynamic settings, as the computers and experiments can leave the classroom and travel to less traditional settings on- and even off-campus.

Can this ambitious plan come to fruition? Possibly. Trends in the business world will help education, but financial and philosophical challenges also must be overcome before the reality will be seen in our classrooms.

Technology TEKS for little ones

2009-11-24T14:20:00.001-06:00

Week 1 Assignment

In order for children to read well, they must begin learning their ABCs at a young age. In order to become fluent in mathematics, they must begin counting early. And in order for them to become proficient with technology, they also must begin practicing with it at a young age.

In Texas, there are technology outcomes specified for the end of a child's kindergarten year. These include the children's ability to open and navigate through learning-type software programs. In this area, children follow direction as they listen to and work with storybooks, multimedia encyclopedias, and other tools. They also can name basic computer input devices, including a mouse, keyboard, recorder for voice or sound, touch screen, and CD-ROM. They can move and double-click the mouse to work with programs, and can use proper terminology to describe what they are doing on the computer. Children at this age also can operate touch screens and voice and sound recorders, such as CDs. They can insert and play CDs, and use touch screens and voice and sound recordings properly. The children also can use software applications to create and express their own ideas, including creating writings and drawings with software. Finally, children will recognize tht information is accessible through the use of technology, and will learn via this medium.

As these TEKS are followed, the children are well placed for achieving the subsequent technology TEKS through elementary, middle, and high school. These TEKS map to the four key areas of the more advanced TEKS. These early childhood TEKS address primarily the Foundation area of the fully developed technology TEKS, which has students understanding and complying with laws and policies, understanding and using hardware and software, and inputting data. The younger children implement this area by moving a computer's mouse, learning the names of computer components, creating a picture, and knowing how to play a CD. As they become older, they will learn the more advanced steps of these basic areas, including creating multimedia presentations, and using the internet to research a topic.The basic skills the children learn at this young age will be woven through their future technology efforts, including their work acquiring information, solving problems, and communicating solutions.

A long-range plan for technology

2009-11-24T11:23:00.002-06:00

Week 1 Assignment

The State of Texas has a long-range plan for technology in its schools. First published in 1988, the plan has undergone several revisions, as technology has continued to morph an develop, and is now in the version adopted in 2006. I was not aware the state's plan existed, but it certainly makes sense that it does, especially in today's constantly changing world of technology. Danish physicist Niels Bohr, who died in 1962, noted decades ago that "Technology has advanced more in the last thirty years than in the previous two thousand. The exponential increase in advancement will only continue." These light-speed advances in technology continue through today. Even country musician Brad Paisley sings how, in his youth, he longed to be able to watch television while on long car trips, and for a Pac Man game he could play at home - both of which he can easily do now.

The implications here for Texas educators are students are myriad. In order to prepare Texas' students to survive and even to thrive in such an environment, a host of services must be in place. Technology in education has several advantages. It can be delivered just-in-time, when ever a student or teacher needs it and from any location. Distance learning, e-classes, and online courses abound. Additionally, technology offers the flexibility for students to learn in a manner that suits their interests, needs, and learning styles - fully customized for Johnny versus Jane. It drives students to be more engaged in their learning, which ultimately results in higher-order thinking and greater success for each of them. Finally, technology allows students to have access to a wealth of information their classroom teachers could only have dreamed of. To expect one individual to be a font of knowledge about everything related to, say, biology, is impossible. However, for that individual to guide her students, point them in a direction, and help them to develop the questions and find the answers for themselves, is invaluable. In this setting, students can collaborate and work collegially as they formulate real-world situations and find solutions for them, extending their learning far beyond the traditional.

For such systems to be delivered, however, first, Texas educators must themselves be well versed in these new technologies. They must not only be comfortable using them to analyze student achievement data, check e-mail, conduct research, and develop presentations. They also must be fluent in using these technologies appropriately and flexibly to help each student learn at his or her own pace and individual learning style. Texas' teachers say that they perceive themselves to be fairly comfortable with technology, and that they have a desire to learn more about how to use it.

Second, school administrators must expect that such technology be integrated and fully utilized ubiquitously. Every day, every class, every subject - technology's integration into the learning process should be as normal and expected as hearing a teacher's voice. Administrators also must provide the support for these systems. All educators must receive professional development when they need it, in a fashion that allows them to integrate their leanings into their own classrooms immediately and effectively.

Third, the technology infrastructure must be in place to provide the information and technology required by this ambitious vision. Huge bandwidth, dependable hardware, compatible software, integrated media, secure and accurate data, and just-in-time technical support are vital to this implementation.

One caveat is necessary, however. The vision document notes that "The value of educational technology in schools is dependent on the learning experiences that are brought about by teachers and students" (p. 18). In other words, technology is only so many fancy flashing lights, cool toys, and fun games unless teachers and students work together to make meaningful. That is the most important key to ensuring that technology in Texas education works to help students learn. As a potential campus administrator myself, it is incumbent on me to keep this idea in mind. Technology as toys is useless. Technology as a suite of fully utilized learning tools, on the other hand, is priceless.

Technology Skills Inventories – or, how much do I know? And – do I know as much as I think I know?

2009-11-23T23:22:00.003-06:00

Week 1 Assignment

The Texas Education Agency and the State Educational Technology Directors Association each have developed instruments for determining the levels of technological literacy and proficiency among educators. The two are, in total, some 29 pages and 113 items long. As a tool for self-diagnosis, they are very thorough. The TEA tool was created by Patty Lanclos in Spring Branch, Texas. It measures how closely individuals perceive they are in alignment specifically with the eighth-grade technology applications TEKS by having them respond “yes,” or “no” to each item. The SETDA instrument is published by the national organization, which is headquartered in Glen Burnie, MD.

On the TEA tool, I ranked as fairly tech-savvy. I am comfortable with most media, and fairly knowledgeable with many programs. However, I do not appear to be as knowledgeable about machine operations. For example, I do not know tell how much RAM a computer has installed. I also am not certain how to interface analog and digital media, do not understand the difference in various graphic file formats, and do not use collaborative software. I also do not design multimedia presentations, use telecommunications tools for publishing. Largely, I do not use or require my students to create multimedia or technology projects, nor do I use or set procedures, timelines, or rubrics for such projects. However, I am fairly proficient, even adept, at using most of the technologies available to me, including interactive software, classroom feedback systems, and various input devices including interactive white boards and classroom tablets.

As for the SETDA tool, it identified myriad weaknesses and gaps in my knowledge and use of technology. Neither myself nor my school gathers or uses data to determine how well (if at all) technology is helping our students to learn. Additionally, I use very little student-directed technology. My students do not create projects, communicate with others, or even use tutorial software. There are some programs I do use, such as Geometer’s Sketchpad, which allow the students to manipulate and learn about dynamic mathematical concepts. Additionally, teacher collaboration about technology is fairly limited at my school.

Finally, I also completed a non-assigned assessment, the “Rubric for Administrative Technology Use.” On this instrument as well, I ranked as moderately adept, but not extremely so. While I am fairly well versed and comfortable with many technologies, I am not fluent enough to lead their implementation.

Works Cited

2009-11-21T22:33:00.005-06:00

Works cited within this blog:

Bitz, G., Johnson, M. J., Barry, R., Cubero, A., Huneycutt, H. J., Miller,M. . . . and Wilcox, P. (2009). Trends in Technology; 2009 Review; Digital Disruptions. AGA CPAG Research Series, 21. Retrieved from http://www.agacgfm.org/research/downloads/CPAG21.pdf

Bohr, Niels (n.d.) In SaidWhat?. Retrieved from http://www.saidwhat.co.uk/quotes/favourite/niels_bohr/technology_has_advanced_more_in_the_7111

Cain, Bonnie (2009, April 22). Texas School Funding Crisis; Presentation to the Pearland ISD Board of Trustees [PowerPoint slides]. Retrieved from http://www.pearlandisd.org/files/filesystem/Funding_presentation.ppt

Equity Center (2009, January 22). Equity Center Draft Report; Issue Brief: Achieving an Efficient Public School Funding System. Retrieved from http://www.pearlandisd.org/files/filesystem/Efficient_School_Funding.pdf

Johnson, Doug (2002). Rubric for Administrative Technology Use. Retrieved from http://www.doug-johnson.com/dougwri/rubric-for-administrative-technology-use.html

Lanclos, Patsy (n.d.). Technology Applications Inventory. Retrieved from http://ritter.tea.state.tx.us/technology/techapp/assess/teksurv.pdf

Paisley, Brad (2009). Welcome to the Future. In Cowboy Lyrics. Retrieved from http://www.cowboylyrics.com/lyrics/paisley-brad/welcome-to-the-future-27652.html

State Educational Technology Directors Association – Profiiling Educaitonal Technology Integration, in partnership with Metiri Group (2004). SETDA Teacher Survey. Retrieved from http://www.setda-peti.org/FinalDocs/SETDA-TeachSURVEY2.doc

Texas Education Agency (n.d.). Information about the TA TEKS. Retrieved from http://ritter.tea.state.tx.us/technology/techapp/teks/framewrk/index.htm

Texas Education Agency, School Technology and Readiness (2006). School Technology and Readiness; a Teacher Tool for Planning and Self-Assessment, Aligned with the Long-Range Plan for Technology, 2006-2020. Retrieved from http://starchart.esc12.net/docs/TxCSC.pdf

Texas Education Agency (2006, December). Long-Range Plan for Technology, 2006-2020; A Report to the 80^th Texas Legislature from the Texas Education Agency. Retrieved from http://ritter.tea.state.tx.us/technology/lrpt/LRPTCompleteDec06.pdf

Texas Education Agency (2008, September 15). Campus Statewide Summary by Key Area. Retrieved from http://starchart.esc12.net/docs/campusSWSummarybyKA20072008.pdf

Verizon Business (2009, November 12). Verizon Business Identifies Top Technology Trends That Will Support Business Expansion as Economy Recovers; Global IT Solutions Leader Ready to Help Customers Worldwide Take Advantage of Pent-Up Growth Opportunities in 2010. Retrieved from http://www.verizonbusiness.com/about/news/displaynews.xml?newsid=25412&mode=vzlong
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We re-join this blog. ..

2009-11-19T20:49:00.000-06:00

Previous readers. . . be patient. I'm putting the blog on "hold" while completing an assignment for graduate school. The next five weeks will be filled with blogged assignments, and I've put all of the personal items as 'drafts,' so as not to confuse the folks grading my school work. Check back after the first of the year for more of the real me.

Six weeks - oops!

2009-05-09T23:01:00.005-05:00

Oops - didn't mean to stay off for this long. Graduate school keeps ya busy!

As I was bored this evening and channel hopping, I stopped on QVC for a minute. Can I just say - Oh My God. Who knew the levels of inanity to which the world has fallen.

Look - buy this item and it will save your life, whiten your teeth, fix your personal finances, help you lose weight, be taller and more beautiful, boost your IQ, and find you true love. What is it, you ask?

Don't look now - there's more! Its retail value is $58, and our normal price is $38.50. But look - today you can get it for just $35.12, plus $7.22 shipping and handling. It's wonderful, amazing, and people from all over the country are calling in to rave about how fabulous it is.

What is "it," you ask? A fan. A stinking room fan. And these people are oozing delight and excitement.

See, here it is.

I'm worried about the future of America!

Breaking news!

2009-03-31T17:56:00.004-05:00

The economic crisis might be making some people sad. No - really!! In fact, it might even be making some of them depressed. They might even cry. I know. It's hard to believe. Some people are really worried about the emotional impact the economy might be having, and have set up methods to identify and help these poor souls. Warning signs might include persistent sadness, crying, excessive anger, anxiety, increased drinking, and difficulty paying attention or being focused.

Who are these generous souls poised to help those emotionally impacted by the economy? US! Yep - as in both "us", and as in "U.S." Your tax dollars at work.

The federal Substances and Mental Health Services Administration or SAMHSA has set up a new web site, complete with a guide offering practical advice on how to deal with the effects of financial difficulties on physical and mental health.

I'm a pretty compassionate soul, and I certainly do not wish anyone ill. However, I wonder if our tax dollars were used for similar purposes when our grandparents were struggling with the Great Depression. Or - did they find their boot straps and PULL.

Yes, a safety net is a good thing. But so is a dose of old-fashioned gumption. We need both right now, and I'm not seeing much of the latter.

They guarantee you'll have a ball!

2009-03-30T17:09:00.004-05:00

So, seems the Rotary Club in Oakdale Calif. has an annual fund-raising dinner for themselves and the Oakland County Museum. It's $50 a plate, for a sit-down dinner. The Rotarians are frying up 400 pounds of their main course, and serving them to about 450 people. Last year, the dinner raised about $28,000.

Why do I care? Because the entree is Rocky Mountain Oysters. Yep - bull's testicles. In fact, the event is the annual Testicle Festival. According to the Rotarians, everyone is guaranteed to "have a ball."

Wonder how much airfare to Oakdale runs.

Yet more people with waaaaay too much time on their hands!

2009-03-29T12:14:00.005-05:00

My Little Ponies as action heroes and movie stars? Check out the photos here. And another favorite in the group. I would never have thought of dressing up a cute little pony like Jack Sparrow. Oh - wait - that's CAPTAIN Jack Sparrow.. . which makes all the difference! I'm not sure which is more sad: the creative genius bored enough to come up with this concept, or the insane folks who pay more than $500 each for the little things! (And yes - that's really five-hundred-dollars. I didn't put an extra zero on the end!)

Ms. Hogg was amazing!

2009-03-27T05:37:00.006-05:00

Had a cousin in town this week - my favorite one on my Dad's side. That's saying a lot, since there are 13 first cousins on that side of the family (six more on mom's side, for a total of 19 in all!) My aunt came too. Their trip was scheduled to coincide with Spring Break, which gave us a nice amount of time to hang out and play. In our goal to find something to do with cousin, his mom and my mother, who is 85, while avoiding the rain, not paying too much for something that would require hours to experience, doing something fun, and not overtiring the grandmas in our group, we touched upon Bayou Bend. The estate of Texas legend Ima Hogg, Bayou Bend is an impressive site. I can't believe that in the 40+ years I've lived in the Houston area, I'd never been there. I'm going to add it to my list of favorite places to take out of town guests!

The house is really impressive. Built in the late 1920s, Miss Hogg filled it with historic American furniture representing all eras in American history. My favorites were the ones that looked the most like Greek and Roman culture, like the Federalist style. And I loved the Texas room - of course! If you want to see photos of the rooms, including a 360-degree panoramic view of some of them, are here.

Equally impressive, however, were the acres of gardens. I'm not usually a fan of going to look at flowers, but this collection was amazing. The manicured hedges, gorgeous samples. .. the wisteria, for instance, smelled amazing.

Think I'll go back, and even plan a visit to coincide with what's blooming at the time!

Oh - and no, she did not have a sister named Ura.

Baaah-Studs!

2009-03-22T08:09:00.005-05:00

Try saying it with a British (specifically, Welsh) accent. Then watch this:

Spring - good news / bad news

2009-03-21T12:11:00.004-05:00

The good news about spring: Bluebonnets! Fresh air. Sunshine. Lots of outdoor time with friends. Weather that's neither too hot nor too cold. Longer days. A new beginning. A crisp feeling to life. The equinox-driven need to clean and tidy and get one's own world in order. Green - and lots of it. Little shoots pushing their noses just above the ground, seeking the warmth of the sun. Blue skies and puffy clouds.

The bad news about spring: POLLEN! Achooo!!

Feelings. .

2009-03-17T21:15:00.003-05:00

I subscribe to a daily e-mail service called Daily OM. This one really resounded with me:

Permission To Feel
Pushing Away Emotions
Throughout our lives, we may experience emotions that disturb or distress us. Often, our first reaction is to push our feelings away. We may say, “I don’t want to think about that right now, I’ll think about it later” and we bury our emotions, deny the validity of our feelings, or distract ourselves with other concerns. But the diverse emotions you experience are neither good nor bad—they are simply a part being human. Choosing not to experience pain, anger, or other intense feelings could cause those feelings to become buried deep into your physical body. There, they may linger unresolved and unable to emerge, even as they affect the way you experience the world. Allowing yourself to experience all of your emotions rather than push the more painful ones away can help you come to terms with your feelings so you can experience them and then move on.

It is possible to bring forth the old feelings you have pushed aside and experience them in a safe and enriching way. It may sound silly to set aside time to feel your old wounds that you haven’t dealt with, but this can be a very beneficial healing experience. Find a safel place and pick a time when you can be alone. Make sure that you feel secure and comfortable in your surroundings. Bring to mind the circumstances that originally triggered the emotions you’ve been pushing away. You may need to revisit these circumstances by reading relevant entries in your journal or using visualization to relive your past. Once you have triggered your long-denied emotions, let yourself feel your feelings, and try not to judge your reactions. Cry or sound your emotions if you need to, and don’t block the flow of your feelings. Allow any thoughts that are connected to your emotions to surface. As you release the feelings you have pushed inside of you, you will find yourself healing from ! the experience associated with these emotions.

When you deal with your feelings directly, they can move through you rather than staying stopped up in your body as emotional blocks that can sometimes turn into disease. Acknowledging your emotions, instead of pushing them away, allows you to stay emotionally healthy and in touch with your feelings.

Want more DailyOM?
Register for your free email, or browse all articles

What do the flowers know?

2009-03-17T17:26:00.004-05:00

Two years ago I planted four packages of bluebonnet seeds in a flower bed in my back yard. You have to plant them in October, you see, for them to sprout in the spring. So. . that year, the bluebonnets bloomed and looked wonderful. Last year - nary a one. I hadn't had time to re-sow the seeds that October, and so I figured the bluebonnet days of my flowerbed were over. Fast forward to two weeks ago. I'm weeding this self-same flower bed and. . there are four crazy bluebonnets! They'd germinated and re-sprouted, without any help from anybody. Just looking at them produces a grin. Silly flowers - don't you know you're not supposed to be there? But they are - and they're beautiful!

We re-join this blog, already in progress. . .

2009-03-16T17:14:00.004-05:00

Ok, so I'm not so good at consistency. I'm gonna try to do better! In the mean time, I found this. It came from a friend of a friend of an HPD officer:

URGENT WARNING TO ALL MEN:

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. Many females use a date rape drug on the market called ‘Beer’. The drug is found in liquid form and is available anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans, or from taps and in large ‘kegs’. Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and sleep with them. A woman needs only to get a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for ‘no strings attached’ sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several beers, men will often succumb to the desires to sleep with horrific looking women whom they would never normally be attracted.
After drinking beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that ’something bad’ occurred. At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life’s savings, in a familiar scam known as ‘a relationship’. In extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as ‘marriage.’ Men are much more susceptible to this scam after beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females. Please; forward this warning to every male you know.
If you fall victim to this ‘Beer’ scam and the women administering it, there are male support groups where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter with similarly victimized men. For the support group nearest you, just look up ‘Golf Courses’ in the phone book.
If anyone out there should happen to encounter any of these types of predators I would like you to call me immediately. I am in the process of training myself on how to deal with this sort of thing. I believe that after studying many hours of documentary footage entitled, “Chick Flicks” I am uniquely able to get into the mind set of these females. I will drink the “beer” that they offer and then I will engage them in hand-to-hand “no-strings-attached” sex (when I say ‘hand-to-hand’ I don’t mean it literally). If I can save just one man out there by taking on one of these “relationships” myself, then I will feel like a true hero. And if I get free beer out of the deal, so much the better.

The funny thing is, it's so true!!

It's a math thing. . you might understand!

2009-01-30T21:05:00.003-06:00

OK - I'm not a big cat fan. But I am a HUGE fan of four-dimensional beings who are willing to co-inhabit our three-dimensional space!

New favorite web sites

2009-01-22T22:59:00.009-06:00

Lolcats.com I don't even LIKE cats much - they make me sneeze - but this site cracks me up! Like the one at the right. Only a huge geek would find this funny. But I do. So I guess that makes me a short little huge geek! Yes - I KNOW it's a cat on a glass table!

Ihasahotdog.com - similar cuteness but involving dogs. Somehow, the cats win for ROFL factor. The doggies are sweet, but the cats somehow have more personality and attitude.

And even . . Obamicon. OK, my Republican friends should even get a giggle out of some of these. My favorite's over on the left. Too funny! Because, of course, even the poor kitties need a bailout. I read just last week that the porn industry was angling for one, so why not the poor puddy tats? Now - if you made a leap there. . it was from your own mind. Not from my fingers through the keyboard. NOPE!

Facebook should be available by prescription only

2009-01-22T22:55:00.004-06:00

It's positively addictive! Spent hours on there today and yesterday, hunting down old high school friends. Some of the ones I wanted to find, I couldn't. Others who showed up were some I didn't even remember. I swear I have Swiss Cheese for brains - full of holes.

I even spent a significant amount of time last night AND tonight IMing with a man I truly do NOT remember. Oh - maybe that's because he graduated before I even got to high school?! Great guy (NO - not like that! At all! For any of a number of reasons .. like, I'm not even sure I'm the right gender.)

But hey - it's fun!

Great discovery - the more open you are to making friends. . the more friends you'll make!

It's all about control

2009-01-13T21:33:00.005-06:00

Under threat of ugly activity, I spent all day yesterday terrified. Blood pressure through the roof, knot in the stomach, the whole bit.

This morning, perspective set in. I have no control over what anybody else does. Let me repeat that for my own sake: I can't control what another person does. I might do things that I believe are right - but they must be done solely for that reason, not because I believe they will have any influence on another's actions.

So, if the ugly happens - I can't stop it. All I can do is prepare for it before it does, and respond to it once it does. Fortunately I have an excellent net of wonderful friends who love me, and who I can fall back on any time I need.

Love you all!

Un-Christmas

2009-01-11T17:19:00.005-06:00

Officially, Christmas ends Jan. 4. The whole 12-days thing refers to the Christmas season - which just STARTS Dec. 25. So. . .I'm still several days overdue to un-Christmas my house. I did get the large decorations out of the yard, but expect a letter from the Homeowner's Association telling me to get the lights out of my bushes. I will. Soon. Really. Absolutely no later than February.

Got most of the inside decorations down and put away. That just leaves the tree. The seven-foot-tall, ornament drenched tree. Taking the ornaments off is the easy part. Jigsawing them just-so into the storage boxes takes some time. Gotta get the big ones in the big spots. If you forget a big one and have no spot for it toward the end, you're stuck in a mess.

That will have to wait until next weekend.

One question: Why does un-Christmasing always take longer than Christmasing? Seems like the decorations almost exploded all over the house by themselves overnight. They're not similarly inclined to take themselves down, however, and I've lost my house elf.

Dobby, where are you when we need you?

What conclusion would you reach?

2009-01-05T08:11:00.000-06:00

So. . . .a husband and wife, married 16 years, hit a rough spot. They separate, go through counseling, and reconcile, more deeply in love than ever. After a year and a half back together the following happens:

1) In December, the husband comes home giddy about the "hot" new job candidate he's interviewing, making sure to tell the wife she's a former model.

2) In January, the husband and wife go to a function the former job candidate (now employee) chairs. Afterward, the husband e-mails his best friend about how he'd like to have sex with the woman.

3) In February, after the husband and wife share their Valentine's dinner, the husband calls the woman and spends an hour on the phone with her, giggling and being silly. The wife doesn't hear the entire conversation, but at one point he's holding the phone to the dog's ear, so the woman can talk to the dog.

4) In January - March / April, the husband and the woman spend numerous nights alone at the office until midnight and later.

5) In March, the wife overhears the husband and the woman saying how they love each other.

6) In April, the husband and the woman make a bet involving the NCAA final basketball game. Loser gets to tie the winner to the bed, and must bring whipped cream, restraints, and champagne.

7) The wife, now getting suspicious, starts checking the husband's Blackberry. She finds e-mails between the two of them: "I love you."

8) In April, the husband announces the marriage is over. He's not in love with the wife any more. But no, he's not leaving her for the other woman.

9) It's now September, and neither the husband's divorce, nor the woman's divorce is yet final. However, the two have announced they are getting married.

So, blogospherians - what conclusion would you draw???

2009 just is WEIRD to write!

2009-01-02T22:00:00.004-06:00

It'll take me a few days to get used to writing the new year. In the mean time, we look back to 1937. How do you forget you have a car in your garage?

Now, go write 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 2009 fifty times, until it doesn't feel strange any more!

The ONLY New Year's Resolution that matters. .

2009-01-01T01:45:00.006-06:00

Is very, very simple. Click here.

Happy New Year!

2008-12-30T18:58:00.004-06:00

The truly observant will note that my "Merry Christmas" and "Happy New Year" posts are within minutes of each other. SHHHhhh. . maybe nobody will notice!

It's been a roller coaster of a year, but it's definitely ending UP! The divorce was obviously a biggie - but even bigger was the rediscovery of ME. I hadn't realized how much of myself I'd buried for hubby, so that I could be the "good wife," but it was almost all of my true self. Now that I'm able to relax and spread my wings, just about anything is possible! Including turning ex's deep-green man cave into a lovely seafoam colored office for myself. It's gorgeous!

For those wanting a year-end wrapup by someone more erudite than myself, I give you Dave Barry's 2008 in review.

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-30T18:55:00.004-06:00

Christmas this year was . . . . WONDERFUL! I confess to being a little concerned - first Christmas with just the Muffin and myself. But . . .WOW! We've created some of our own new traditions, and edited enough old ones, to make Christmas truly ours. Christmas even, for example, we went to church early (4:30), and then had time to go to IHOP for dinner. So nice! Then home, to open one present and watch Christmas movies on TV. Christmas day we got up, opened our packages, played for a while, then went to family's home to play and visit some more.

What was I worried about? Well, I was worried it would feel too empty without the ex. Nope! No empty feeling at all! In fact, I had a nice, warm, contended feeling that tingled all the way down to my toes. It was MY day, with MY girl, and it could be what ever I wanted it to be.

And it was!

NEVER get involved in a land war in Asia!

2008-12-16T18:45:00.005-06:00

And NEVER ask fate "is that all you've got"?

Why? Because when you do, here's what happens:

- You go out to get into the truck the day after it's snowed, turn the key, and hear "click click click click." Classic sounds of a very dead battery. Two cars can't jump it, so AAA must be called to use their super industrial booster and cables. The truck starts, you go to Auto Zone and buy a new battery which the very nice man installs for you, and you're on your way.

- Two days later you take the truck in for a routine oil change, and are told that the adapter that connects the oil filter to the block is bad, and the truck is blowing oil. Get another quote, and get that fixed.

- And then you come down with bronchitis. The annual case struck at its usual inconvenient time. (Rhetorial question: is there a convenient time?) Two days of bed rest and coughing do wonders for the abs and back muscles. OUCH. But hey - the x-ray showed I don't have pneumonia!

But you know what - it's STILL OK! Even though life is throwing major curve balls at me, I seem to be doing a fairly good impersonation of President Bush ducking Iraqi shoes. No major harm - no major foul. Inconvenient? Yes. But insurmountable? Nope!

Oh, and the EX is getting married in two days. Know what - it almost doesn't matter. And strangely, it doesn't hurt to think about. Also, the wife-to-be wrote me a long e-mail explaining how they didn't have an affair, and that they both love the Muffin. She's making an effort to build bridges. As long as we all keep Muffin at the forefront, even this will be OK.

It's SNOWING!!

2008-12-10T21:05:00.006-06:00

In South Texas. South of Houston, Texas, in fact. My house has gotten almost two INCHES!! (Ok - that may be a very slight exaggeration, but I'm certain it's over an inch. . that's how much accumulated on top of my patio table!)

You see, it's all my doing! I took Muffin to see Santa last weekend, for the annual visit, photos, and gift request. She only asked for two things: a camera, and snow. After communicating with her dad I learned he'd already gotten the camera (weeks ago, apparently. .thanks for letting me know). So, that just left the snow. And here it is!

Thanks, Santa! Life really IS good.

Is that all you got?

2008-12-07T21:28:00.005-06:00

So, life gets challenging sometimes. The day after Thanksgiving, as I was laid up from surgery, couldn't breathe and barely had the energy to switch from laying in the bed upstairs to laying on the couch downstairs. . I notice that the food in my freezer isn't very cold. Hmmm. . maybe I just left the door ajar. Close it firmly. Check again hours later. Nope - now the food is even LESS cold. And the food in the fridge is warming up too.

Fast forward another few hours. . The fridge is officially "Dead, Jim." So, I call Sears, with whom I have a (not cheap) service contract for this Kenmore appliance. "Certainly ma'am. We'll have our technician out there as soon as possible. Which will be next Thursday."

You know what - big deal! So I lived out of an ice chest for six days. That's nothing! And it truly wasn't a big deal. As long as I remembered to stop by the grocery and get ice every day it really wasn't a big problem.

And when the technician showed up several hours early on Thursday to repair the fridge, it also wasn't the end of the world. Yes, I was at work when he called to say he was coming. Yes, I missed the phone call and so he didn't come. Yes, I'd requested an afternoon appoitnment, and yes, I'd even asked to be the last appointment of the day. I'm still not sure how 10:30 a.m. fits that bill. Oh, and yes, I'd asked that he call my cell phone when en route. Also - didn't happn. But also - no huge deal!

I get home Thursday night, make two frustrated phone calls and am told that it will be following Wednesday (yes, the 10th) before another technician can be schedule to come out. Fussing, objecting and sounding very stern had no effect. So Friday afternoon I tried again and the wonderfully helpful woman with the routing office finally understood that two weeks without refrigeration in a setting that's not immediately following a hurrican really isn't acceptable. So she magically created a technician, sent him over, and he replaced the faulty relay within 15 minutes. And there was much rejoicing!

In fact, thanks to my wonderful Sears service contract I can expect a check at the end of the week for $250 to reimburse me for the food lost when the fridge died.

See? No harm. No foul. And yet another example that I can weather any storm!

When is "right" wrong?

2008-12-06T21:40:00.005-06:00

Had a conversation with a very wise friend about being "right." What if what I think is "right" hurts someone else.

Well, hurting people isn't right. However, sometimes that hurt is an unfortunate byproduct of being "right." Can't live my life afraid to do what my heart and soul and the universe tell me is the right thing to do just because it might hurt somebody. . . that's a no-win situation! There's no way to make everybody happy. . . even if you do nothing, somebody's going to be pissed off.

So, have to do what the universe tells me to. What my own sense of "Right" says to do. But if that "right" does happen to hurt somebody then I still have to own up to it and apologize for that hurt. . . not bulldoze over them and say "tough it up!"

Of course, there also are no absolutes. Sometimes I truly may not care about the fallout. But when somebody I love gets caught in the crossfire then I can't just ignore it.

Thanks, wise friend!

* Addendum. Wise friend also reminded me that "right" isn't always cut-and-dried. Sometimes "right" is simply the path where the least harm is done. Getting into a pissing contest over who's the most right just ends up with everybody getting pee'd on.

Christmas already!

2008-12-06T21:21:00.004-06:00

Ok, so the tree is up, ornaments on, inside of the house completely decorated. And may I say, it looks better and more festive than in years! There's only one small problem. . NO PRESENTS!!

The challenge is in a) brainstorming for gifts without someone to bounce ideas off of; and b) finding time to shop. I've finished making three of the gifts, but still have to crank out a bunch more, and come up with ideas for my brothers-in-law. They're the hardest! Anybody got any good ideas for guy-gifts??? PLEASE???!!!

And I've only gotten ONE present for Muffin. I wish her Dad and I could communicate about her wish list (are we both getting her cameras? Neither? Only one? Which one?) But hey - wishing never fixed anything, so I just have to decide whether I'm going to bite the bullet and get her one. I just have to pretend I'm the only parent, and move on that way.

Went to a concert this afternoon: The Houston Tidelanders. Barbershop Quartet harmony, but this isn't your granddad's barbershopping. Fun music and an AMAZING guest group from Conroe High School called "Finally Friday." Mixed acapella chorus and they were good! It was fun to get out with my mom, sister and the Muffin for some fun girl time.

Life just gets better every day!

And now . . . for something completely different!

2008-12-05T23:57:00.004-06:00

I looked back over all my posts. . and realized they're basically the same post over and over: I will survive. This will make me stronger and better. I'm going to be OK.

Ok, gang, news flash: we're done with all of that! I haven't posted in a while because I thought the divorce was all I could post about. I'm (mostly) done, so we're heading out into the brave unknown. The rest of my world is my oyster, so . . here we go!

This week? Well, did you know that when you spend five hours in an operating room having your sinuses roto-rootered out and your septum straightened that it takes a LONG time to recover? The doc said "You'll be laid up for a week." Silly me - I thought she just meant "inconvenience." Nope - completely laid up. But I caught up on my reading (Twilight is good) and my backlog of TiVo'd shows (House, CSI, and some Boston Legal).

And did you know that when they operate on your sinuses like that you'll spend a week virtually unable to breathe through your nose? That's an adventure. . eating without breathing through your nose.

It really wasn't too bad. . there was never any pain, even in the recovery, but MAN was I weak! Went back to work this Wednesday, 10 days after the surgery, and just dressing, getting Muffin out and getting myself into the building had me shaking by the time I got to my desk.

Lesson learned: It's OK to ask for help. You don't have to do everything by yourself. People love you. . and they will be happy to help you BECAUSE they love you. THANKS, Jan and Mary and Stacey!! I love you all too!

The Butterfly's Lesson

2008-11-30T11:03:00.010-06:00

Uploaded on authorSTREAM by phildavi

It's a powerful lesson. It takes pain for strength to emerge.

Long time no see

2008-10-12T19:13:00.005-05:00

Wow! I can't believe it's been a month since I posted anything.

Ike was frightening. My mom, Muffin and I went to a friend's on Friday, the day the storm hit. We stayed there during the storm and for the two days after - with no electricity. I think if I'd been by myself it might have been OK, but it was hard keeping the girls amused. The EX actually did a good thing. He suggested that Muffin spend the storm with me, even though it was technically his weekend. That sure helped. I knew she was safe. Long story short - after nine days out of my home because I had no electricity (but some friends did) I finally got to spend the night in my own bed. No serious damage - mainly roof shingles and a thousand dollars worth of food in my freezer.

Now if I could just a roofer to come give me an estimate on the damage!

Making lemons out of lemonade - the overcrowded freezer was making me crazy. Now it's completely clean and organized!

The divorce was final just after the storm. I don't even know the date.

The EX has turned a corner. He's not remotely interested in being my friend of having a positive relationship with me. He will only discuss the Muffin. I've tried so many times I've lost count to have him address where we are so we can move forward. Silly me! He wouldn't address it while we were married. Why should he do so now??

Actually, I'm learning to accept things. My marriage is over, and a new chapter of my life has begun. The EX firmly believes that nothing he and the woman did was wrong, inappropriate or disrespectful. In fact, she keeps threatening to sue me if I imply that there was. Yeah. Right. Two problems with that. First, she has to prove "harm" - and nobody she knows has spoken to me. Second, she has to prove what I'm saying is untrue. Big Ha! The two of them professed their love for each other in March. They made a bet involving whipped cream, handcuffs and champagne in April. And on and on and on. I'm simply stating facts.

As for accepting things. I am. This is the reality of my life - part of which is accepting that the ex is not going to be in it at all. That means I can make new friends and fill that hole in my world another way. Does it still hurt? Sure. But I'm also accepting that a) this hurts; b) it's going to hurt for a long time; and c) I can get through this with the help of all my loving friends!!

Hurricane update

2008-09-12T18:08:00.005-05:00

Well, the news media is showing tragedy and destruction: flooding, fires, winds. Here in Pearland, we have, um, flickering lights. That's it! The winds are picking up a little bit, palm trees swaying back and forth, but it's not even dramatic enough to scare Muffin and her friend.

It's interesting watching the news - I can't seem to tear myself away. It's macabre, I tell you. "Oh, look - the storm has moved 5 miles! Wow!"

The worst item at this point is simply that all the winds seem to have stirred up pollens that my nose does not like. And the lights do keep flickering. No telling how long they'll stay on - or how long they'll be off once they go out for good.

Until they do, hold good thoughts. We're high and dry!

Who invited Ike?

2008-09-11T18:49:00.004-05:00

So, looks like we'll have this unwelcome visitor: Ike. Muffin and I are staying put. In fact, my mom's even coming over to be with us. I was frightened earlier today, but have come to realize that a) I'm complying with the officials' emergency directives, and b) I'm doing the best I can with what I have. So, my wonderful nephew came over to help me move the patio furniture into the garage, I brought my trash back into the house, made an last-minute run to HEB, and got all the ice out of the freezer so that I can refill it tomorrow. I'm doing last-minute loads of laundry, and will clean the bathtubs and fill them with water tomorrow afternoon. After that, I'm not sure what else I can do, so I'm calm and confident at this point.

By the way, HEB rocks! I went out at 5 this afternoon, drove past the boarded-up and close Wal-Mart on my way to the well-stocked HEB. They even had batteries! People were calm, even joking and friendly. One nice young couple even offered to carry my groceries out to the car for me. (Jeez, I don't look that old, do I??) Kudos to the store, for being well-stocked and well-managed!

I'll try to keep posting as long as I can, until we lose power. Hold good thoughts!

Who's in control here?

2008-09-08T17:06:00.004-05:00

So, conventional wisdom says that even if you can't control what's happening to you, then you can control your response to it

If only that were accurate! It's far from it, for two reasons. First, is the Clayton Williams model. Remember him? He lost a 1990 bid for the Texas governor's seat after observing that bad weather is similar to rape. If it's going to happen to you anyway then you may as well lay back and enjoy it. EXCUSE ME? The ex dumps a load of crap on me and since I can't prevent it then I may as well enjoy getting f#*ked?? Puh-leaze! That implies that since I can't control these I may as well enjoy it.

The second reason conventional wisdom isn't so wise is the conflicting conventional wisdom which says that when something sucks that it's more than OK to acknowledge and to feel that pain. So, how do I "choose my response" as beng reasoned and calm, while simultaneously acknowledging and feeling the eviscerating pain? Doing both doesn't seem terribly feasible.

So...then what DO I do when the ex pulls yet another one? Like decreeing that it's OK for Muffin to do things with him and the mistress in a pseudo-family setting but not with the three of us because she will "misunderstand". Or packing up, moving out and leaving rooms full of mess and junk that he just doesn't want to deal with, but that I get to clean up? (AKA a metaphor for this whole process!). Or having the mistress teach my kid to ride a bike?

I'm going to keep looking for an answer. I can't "not let it bother me," but I also can't seethe over it endlessly. I'm sure there's a third option, but I don't see it yet. I suspect it's in that category of "forgiveness" - of acknowledging that such behavior is just part and parcel of who he is, and that expecting anything different would be tantamount to expecting him to breathe water. It just cannot happen because he is constitutionally incapable of it.

Does that mean it's acceptable when he pulls this garbage? No. So how do I deal with it? I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to keep searching high and low for a healthy way to do so.

And breathe.

Puddle? What puddle?

2008-09-07T16:41:00.014-05:00

Oh - me. That puddle. The one who sat in the corner of her bedroom sobbing for two hours yesterday, convinced that she was a horrible person and completely worthless because so very many people are now telling her that she should be over the pain of this divorce. I actually was feeling as if I didn't want to face the whole world. Wasn't going to kill myself - just didn't want to come out of my corner. Ever. One person even went so far as to observe "You know, I don't know that she wants to get over this."

Huh? Doesn't want to get over the feeling that my guts are spread all over the floor and the very viscera of my being is oozing all over the world? Doesn't want to get over the exhausting pain, throbbing through my marrow every minute of every day? WHAT THE F*#&;?? Of COURSE I want to get over this!

The other school of thought among my friends says that my problem is that I've not allowed myself to fully experience the pain. Well, of course not! Allowing myself to experience the pain results in me sitting in the floor sobbing for hours and what good does THAT do? I just end up exhausted at the end of it, and embarrassed!

However, one wise person did point out that it's about time for me to try forgiveness. What does forgiveness mean? It doesn't mean saying that the way I was treated was acceptable. It doesn't mean telling the ex that what he did was OK. Far from it. I think it just means not holding the actions of the others against them. The litany is long, and includes things like this:

1) In December, the now-ex comes home giddy about the job candidate he's interviewing, making sure to tell the wife how "hot" she is and that she's a former model.
2) In January, the now-ex and wife go to a function the former job candidate (now employee) chairs. Afterward, the husband e-mails his best friend about how he'd like to have sex with the woman.
3) In February, after the now-ex and wife share their Valentine's dinner, the now-ex calls the woman and spends an hour on the phone with her, giggling and being silly. The wife doesn't hear the entire conversation, but at one point he's holding the phone to the dog's ear, so the woman can talk to the dog.
4) From the day the woman is hired, she and the now-ex spend numerous nights "working" at the office, the two of them staying alone until midnight - and later.
5) In March, the wife overhears the now-ex and the woman saying how they love each other.
6) In April, the husband and the woman make a bet involving the NCAA final basketball game. Loser gets to tie the winner to the bed, and must bring whipped cream, restraints, and champagne.
7) The wife, growing increasingly suspicious, starts checking the now-ex's Blackberry. She finds e-mails between the two of them: "I love you."

So, when the two of them announce in August that they're getting married - but that No, they weren't having an affair, I'm supposed to a) believe them and b) forgive them? HUH?

Actually, it doesn't matter. It's completely irrelevant whether Tab A actually went into Slot B or not. They may or may not have actually had "an affair," but they were rude and disrespectful. Forgiving them means understanding that the two are inherently irresponsible, disrespectful, and inconsiderate. They truly see nothing wrong with any of their actions - just like a hurricane sees nothing wrong with its actions. The wake of havoc it leaves behind is merely an artifact of its nature, not the result of any conscious choice.

Forgiveness doesn't mean that their behaviors were good or even decent - the behaviors are merely artifacts of the character of the two of them, and it's pointless for me to waste energy worrying about it. The two of them are NEVER going to understand that their behavior was irresponsible, inconsiderate and disrespectful. They're never going to come close to apologizing for it. However, I'm going to try very hard to stop wasting energy on them. I'm not going to let it get to me - for past behaviors, or the myriad future ones I'm certain are to come.

Breathe.

It's my birthday!

2008-09-05T05:34:00.005-05:00

And I wish I were happier. Truth be told, I keep putting on this brave face, in the hope that my feelings will follow my actions. . .and it's just not working. My heart's sick and I hurt. I can't believe what a year this has been: parts of it the worst pain I've had in my life. I keep trying to move on, trying to acknowledge that it hurts so I can heal, but I'm not having any luck with the latter. Lots of acknowledging, lots of pain - not much healing. Here's hoping I can look back a year from now, and see the forest for the trees. Here's hoping that I'll see from then that where I am now really is a place of growth. It sure doesn't feel like a place of growth, or anything resembling growth, right now. It just hurts. Even my friends are getting tired of hearing me whine about all of this. Acknowledge the pain, they say, immediately followed with "don't dwell on it." I don't see any difference between those two. If I say "it hurts," then it hurts - is that acknowledging or dwelling? The worst part is that I don't know how to move forward. Don't worry about "how," they say - just move. But if you don't know how to move then how do you move???

Happy birthday to me.

Addicted to. . .

2008-09-02T18:28:00.004-05:00

So, in meeting my kid's bus today...no kid! The bus comes, the kids get off, and my Muffin's not there. EEEK!! My first thought: to call the ex.

My friend Stacey on her blog talks about addiction today:

Take the woman who's been married for 20 years who suddenly gets sucker punched with, "I want a divorce." If that husband has been the woman's addiction for so long, wouldn't it make sense that the healing process might look a lot like recovery? Cravings for his company or to be in his life in some way...all encompassing thoughts that border on obsession at times...the inability to see where he ends and she begins.

I, of course, have NO idea who she could be referring to! I realize I'm addicted to the thought pattern of having the ex there to lean on. They say that recognizing addiction is the first step in overcoming it. That means I've taken the first step!

Woo hoo!!

Acceptance

2008-09-01T16:24:00.005-05:00

Remember the old Serenity prayer: "Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."?

That's where I am now. Muffin learned to ride a bike yesterday, and I wasn't there. Ex's girlfriend taught her. And nobody even thought to call me and share the news with me. Today I find out that Ex and his girlfriend are getting married. . .just as soon as both of their divorces are final and they've waited the 60-day waiting period. How completely irrelevant does that make me?

Maybe I was irrelevant all along. But does it really matter? Intellectually I know that what matters is where I am now, and how I grow from this point. I know that I will get to the place where I believe this is the best thing that ever happened to me. I will get to the place where I see myself as . . .me. . not as someone whose husband left them, or that this horrible thing happened to. I just don't know how to take that step.

"They" say to not worry about the "how." They say to simply see myself in that place, and the "how" will take care of itself.

Leap of faith, here I come:

I am strong. I am compassionate and caring and desirable and smart and competent and good and . . . this IS the best thing that ever happened to me because it's enabled me to learn all of those lessons and to value those characteristics about myself.

Well, it's about TIME!

2008-08-29T16:02:00.004-05:00

About time I figured out that what matters is what I think - not what anybody else thinks. About time I figured out that I can't make someone like me. Can't make them consider my point of view. Can't even make them believe that I have a right to that point of view. All I can do is take care of me. It's very liberating, actually!
No, I'm not going to be rude to those people, but I'm no longer going to bust my back trying to make them like me. I've worried so long about being "nice," and not upsetting others than I put myself last faaaarrr too often. No more!
At my core I'm a very nice person. I work very hard to take care of everybody else, and to make everybody else happy happy happy. Silly me! Not to say that's not important - but it's also important to make sure I'm happy - and to make sure that my someone else's happiness does NOT come at my expense!

Practice makes. . ..

2008-08-20T06:09:00.002-05:00

When I was in school and trying to play the oboe, I wanted to be really good at it now, not after I spent interminable hours practicing. Practicing was decidedly un-fun, you see! I didn't want the inconvenience of the practice, I wanted instantaneous success! This process is much the same - I want to be fully happy again now, without having to go through the un-fun parts of healing and growing for a while. However, I'm realizing that the two are extremely similar. The healing now, and the oboe practice sessions then, are a necessary step toward the end result. Without them, I'll just be stuck as a mediocre oboe player!

Look what I did!

2008-08-13T20:16:00.007-05:00

Remember when you signed people's high school yearbooks? At our school, you could also select a quote to put under your name at the index. My senior year, I picked two: "This, above all else: to thine own self be true." And the second: "Where ever you go, there you are" (Ultimate geekdom - name the late '70s sci-fi movie that's from!)

That first one, "To thine own self be true," is harder to do than you'd think, especially when you've buried yourself under layers of doing what you think other people want you to do and to be. One of the things I was "supposed" to be was "responsible." Oh yeah - and dignified.
So, yesterday as I was with my daughter and her best friend at Space Center Houston, the girls were playing on the temporary exhibit: Daredevil Island. (To check it out, go here: http://www.spacecenter.org/CurrentExhibit.html )

As I watched the girls, I started to itch with "I want to do that." The old me would have remained dignified and responsible and on the ground. The new me, however, launched onto a giant trapeze, tried to climb a two-story bungee tower, strapped on a harness and navigated a rope maze 10 feet off the ground - and smiled a million-watt-smile the whole time. It was so exhilarating! To do what was fun, and not worry about impressing or disappointing anybody!

Man - what a rush! From towels to THIS!

(Oh yeah - and I also paid $4 to climb into a tiny capsule in which a video simulation of a martian roller-coaster ride played as the capsule itself lurched in synchronization with the motions of the film. Thirty seconds into the ride my nauseated stomach and claustrophobic body wanted OUT, but I did manage to make it to the end without hurling!)

Who am I?

2008-08-12T08:10:00.005-05:00

Talked to a friend on the phone last night. He's in his blissful second marriage, after his first dissolved in a fashion not dissimilar to mine. He pointed out that right now, I have no CLUE who I am. And he's right! (Scroll down to the John Denver songs lower on this page if you doubt me.) I spent 18 years trying to be the good wife and do what "he" wanted that I've completely lost sight of what I want. Don't even know what that is! Heck, I bought new towels for the powder room two days ago - BROWN instead of the white that had been in there, and it felt like a huge success! Really - it felt as if I'd conquered the world! I made a decision on my own, without consulting anyone or worrying about doing it wrong. I'm pretty sure I like the brown, but am just not sure what else I may - or may not - like. I do now, however, that finding out is going to be an adventure! It means I'll get to try all sort of new things and see which of them I enjoy and which I don't. One thing's for sure: I'm pretty certain I don't like sushi!

Let it be

2008-08-11T21:28:00.004-05:00

Today is more of a Beatles day. . . need to work some more on Letting it Be. Accepting. Sometimes I just need to work on accepting that sometimes things are hard for me to accept. I try so hard to control things and MAKE things happen, that I have a hard time letting those things just roll along on their own. What do I mean? Well, making new friends, for instance. I spent so long living in someone else's shadow that I'm having a hard time letting myself relax and make new friends. You can't MAKE people be your friend - you can only relax, be you and let nature take its course. I get so busy being scared people may not like me that I try to force the issue - with results exactly 180 degrees from those that I wanted. Somehow, though, writing about it helps.

Life is really good, the universe knows what it's doing, and if I'll congratulate myself on the things I'm doing well rather than focusing on the weak spots, I'll be much happier at the end of the day.

On a mundane note, the truck's A/C is out - the manifold hose is apparently dead. That wil be $500, thank you very much. How am I supposed to do that?? Again - step back and let the universe manage things. They will unfold as they are supposed to. But oh boy - that's hard to do!

Look for it in the future, bloggees - I suspect there will be LOTS of posts on this topic.

Looking for Space

2008-08-10T21:09:00.004-05:00

More John Denver - it really captures where I am right now.

Looking For Space

On the road of experience,
I'm trying to find my own way.
Sometimes I wish that I could fly away
When I think that I'm moving,
suddently things stand still
I'm afraid 'cause I think they always will

And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know and understand
It's a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I'm deep in despair

All alone in the universe,
sometimes that's how it seems
I get lost in the sadness and the screams
Then I look in the center,
suddently everything's clear
I find myself in the sunshine and my dreams

And I'm looking for space
And to find out who I am
And I'm looking to know and understand
It's a sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
And sometimes I'm deep in despair

On the road of experience,
join in the living day
if there's an answer,
it's just that
it's just that way

When you're looking for space
And to find out who you are
When you're looking to try and reach the stars
It's a sweet, sweet, sweet dream
Sometimes I'm almost there
Sometimes I fly like an eagle
But sometimes I'm deep in despair

Sometimes I fly like an eagle,
like an eagle
I go flying high

Sweet Surrender

2008-08-10T21:08:00.006-05:00

Sometimes John Denver's lyrics hit close to home:

Sweet Surrender

Lost and alone on some forgotten highway
Traveled by many, remembered by few
Lookin' for something that I can believe in
Lookin' for something that I'd like to do with my life

There's nothin' behind me and
nothin' that ties me to
Something that might have been true yesterday
Tomorrow is open
right now it seems to be more than enough
To just be here today,
and I don't know
What the future is holdin' in store
I don't know where I'm goin'
I'm not sure where I've been
There's a spirit that guides me,
a light that shines for me
My life is worth the livin',
I don't need to see the end

Sweet, sweet surrender,
live, live without care
Like a fish in the water, like a bird in the air.

Reclaim my Home - Take One

2008-08-09T19:48:00.005-05:00

Today was spent "nesting." That's what they call it when pregnant women spend time running around cleaning and tidying and getting the house ready for their babies. NO - I'm not pregnant! But this life transition is like a rebirth and so I'm nesting some too. Because I get to keep the house, I'm making it more my own, starting with a laundry list of simple upkeep items that have been put off for years. I got clever, went to the store and bought the same paint the builder used to touch up the trim work throughout the house. Man, was it chipped up. Sort of like my heart. Wish it were as easy to patch it, with just a little paint.

First Light!

2008-08-09T14:14:00.002-05:00

Wow! I have a blog! Great. . now what do I say? Seems lots of people are encouraging me to start one, so I will - but I can't promise to post every day.

Had dinner with a bunch of friends last night, and started to list what I'm going through: divorce, facing surgery, might have an autoimmune disorder. . . but as one person empathized with the "huge burden" that I'm facing, it occurred to me that I don't view it that way. It's not a huge burden - it's just life! And I can drown in it, or I can soar above it. I choose the latter!

So dear readers, bear with me as I climb this learning curve. What's ahead? Who knows? Its LIFE!